


Solitude

by lobstergirl



Series: Of Darkness and Silence [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Kylux - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 13:06:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6986302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lobstergirl/pseuds/lobstergirl





	Solitude

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale through nose. Exhale through mouth.

Hux is lying on the floor in what one might call the living room section of his pristine quarters, arms at a precise angle of forty-five degrees, and tries to slow down his heartrate by sheer force of will.

Inhale-two-three. Exhale-two-three.

The music he has only recently discovered dances through the near-empty space and across his still form, and he directs his attention towards the contrasting sounds of the ancient instruments. One of them is a flute, and the other one is called a harpsichord.

He silently mouthes the word. _Harpsichord_.

There is no music in his world and although he is aware of its existence, he has never given it much thought. He researches history in his spare time and absorbs as much as he can. There’s a lot to be learnt from past mistakes, and a lot is still useful if applied appropriately. One day, when he sits down to begin his journey into the past, he finds the library folders arranged in a different order and he opens _History of Music_ by mistake, which annoys him. What he finds there, however, fascinates him and after listening to what must amount to hundreds of samples, he settles on one era that appeals to him. It’s precise, almost mathematical, and it’s orderly. It helps him focus.

It’s not helping him tonight.

“Stop,” he commands and the room falls silent.

His pulse is too quick and his breathing is shallow.

Hux is scared.

Supreme Leader Snoke has come dangerously close to discovering the one secret Hux has carefully tucked away into a far corner of his mind. Hux’ mind is well organised, the individual sections methodically arranged and carefully labelled, their contents readily available. His eidetic memory is one of his biggest assets.

But there is an even bigger one, a talent that must never become known. He sometimes wonders if it’s a variation of the Force but he can’t really enquire about it without giving himself away. He cannot fetch things by the power of thought or enter other people’s minds, like Kylo can, but he can shroud his thoughts, revealing only what is safe to be seen. There’s things he doesn’t want to share, a few precious memories of a past long gone, and a few more recent ones that keep him from going numb.

As of late, something else has entered his mind and it’s begun to fester. It’s dangerous and he’s put a firm lid on it.

Doubt.

It’s Kylo’s fault, of course. A lot of things are Kylo’s fault but he has learnt to deal with most of them. That temper of his? A bloody nightmare. And the tendency to take it out on the station’s consoles? Hux has toyed with the idea of confiscating that lightsabre but sadly, that’s not an option.

Kylo is impulsive and emotional. He’s unstable, still torn between two worlds. To follow in the footsteps of Lord Vader is his greatest ambition but two events have shaken him to the core although they shouldn’t have. That business with his rebel father, and that girl. He’s clearly not ready yet. Snoke sees it, too, and has spoken of _completing his training._ Not too long ago it would have sounded like a rare privilege, to be personally trained by the Supreme Leader, but now there is a ring to the words Hux doesn’t like.

There’s something else Hux doesn’t like and it’s gnawing at him, and so he gets up and changes into his training clothes. He’s clearly wasting his time here, lying around on the floor and waiting for inner peace that doesn’t want to come. He will drive himself to physical exhaustion instead.

 

But when he comes to stop before a door, it’s not the door to the station’s training area. He closes his eyes as acceptance washes over him. It’s time to acknowledge the truth.

The doors slide open before he can press the intercom.

Kylo’s eyes are red and his cheeks are damp.

“Yes?”

Hux inhales-two-three and takes the leap.

“I don’t want to be alone tonight,” he says. “I can’t sleep without you.”

Kylo’s eyes widen. Hux steps inside.

Solitude is no longer desirable.


End file.
